JULIET'S MUSINGS

  A few days ago I had a bit of a revelation - one that I think I've had before, but this time it went a bit deeper.... It was about the denial of self.  If you're christian, you will know well the scripture where Jesus says 'Deny yourself and follow Me'. Being someone who wanted to be all out for God and become closer to Jesus in my life and ways, I tried to put this into practice for many years. I also lived in a christian community for nearly 20 years where there was much teaching on holiness and self-denial.  But it was mixed with a cultural practice that subjugated women and elevated men, the church and 'building the kingdom' above all else.  Everything in life bowed the knee to maintaining 'the brotherhood', which had slowly devolved into a controlling, empire building, cult-leader-led church. Within that setting, I learned to deny everything that was uniquely me, anything that didn't fit into the paradigm I was in, all opinions, most self expr...

  What do you see when you look at this painting? I was trying to express a few things about my life through the use colour and texture and wasn't unhappy with the result...but I was thinking... I don't think I'm on the 'autistic spectrum' but I'm definitely on the 'Artistic Spectrum'! Here are a few symptoms - check and see if you are a fellow 'sufferer' : D you can be depressed when a painting is not going well and joyful when it is kind of hold your breath until the next inspiration comes you suddenly stop when walking along (causing people to bump into you!) because you've seen a sight you want to capture for a future painting you find yourself analysing colours you see around you, ie 'that's Payne's Grey' or 'that would be Cerulean Blue'! you get inspired at the least expected moment, sometimes not in keeping with the social situation you're in - a bit embarrassing for people with you! you can stare at a paint...

  I've always loved archways... Walking through cloisters for instance,  or whilst wandering through ruined abbeys with arches that have survived wars and weather, or crossing the threshold of an ancient doorway, I get the same feeling when passing through a cascading purple wisteria arbour in an old garden, or little gateways with a sweet sweep of an arch overhead. Somehow they convey a blessing that I love to experience. Some people speak of their experience of portals, spiritual doorways that lead you from one dimension to another, sometimes for good, sometimes for bad... For me there is but one Portal and I found it in the One who says 'I am the Door, if anyone enters by me he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture.'   When Jesus died on the cross 2000 years ago, he opened the most cosmic and life-changing portal that there is.  He opened the way for man to have a real relationship with God, instead of trying to meet Him from a distance, ...

  All things by immortal power Near or far Hiddenly To each other linked are That you cannot stir a flower Without the troubling of a star. Francis Thompson 

  I love watching my antique spinning wheel turning,  even though I   have no idea how to use it! And I love pondering how everything in life goes round in circles, not in straight lines... In fact we're going round in circles the whole time, the earth spinning every 24 hours, whilst its circumventing the sun every year. Some say that the whole universe is turning! And every single created thing is made up of atoms, within which a circle dance between proton, neutron and electron is endlessly being performed - the trinity Life Force of God stamped deeply into His creation. In our lives too, we travel in seasons and circuits, whereby we pass through similar situations and experiences again and again. The scenery looks familiar but with each revisit we hopefully gain more understanding of ourselves, of others and of life. We notice something different in the landscape that we hadn't seen before, gain new perspective. Like a pebble thrown into a pond, each ripple widens...

  I've just finished this painting, inspired by the thought and anticipation of Spring. I hope it lifts your heart out of any winter blues you may have been having...xx Nothing is so beautiful as Spring –             When weeds, in wheels, shoot long and lovely and lush;             Thrush’s eggs look little low heavens, and thrush          Through the echoing timber does so rinse and wring          The ear, it strikes like lightnings to hear him sing;    The glassy peartree leaves and blooms, they brush             The descending blue; that blue is all in a rush          With richness; the racing lambs too have fair their fling.         ...

  ....OR UNIQUELY YOU? Something I just read in a book by Eugene Peterson got me thinking, and feeling uncomfortable at the way the term 'Dysfunctional' has become common usage for people/families/behaviour of human beings and/or cultures that are behaving differently or unusually from what is considered the norm.  What is normal anyway? Obviously, this is not to affirm destructive and abusive actions and ways of life - those things should be named as such. I only feel a bit sad when it is applied to our fellow human beings, whose patterns of behaviour or communication is different from our own, perhaps caused by negative, traumatic or abusive things that have happened to them, or simply just the way they are. Dysfunctional is a term more suited to a machine, not a complex human being. The term seems to overlook all the different reasons that a person is unique in their life, a lack on our part of looking deeper. I've been quiet for a while, getting over the loss of my dear...

  Would you like a moment of stillness? Why not try meditation - a rather scary or posh word for relaxing your mind, emptying it of rubbish and coming home to yourself for a while...   It's not easy to stop the continual 'streaming' of thoughts and feelings, but the more you do it, the slightly easier it gets. Try this one, based on a verse from the psalms 'Be still and know I am God'. First sit or lie somewhere comfortable and quiet. Then after a few minutes, speak out loud these words.. Be still and know that I am God... After a minute or two say Be still and know that I am... After a few more minutes Be still and know... Then Be still... And finally Be It's quite hard to come home to yourself, but it's where you belong. You are not your thoughts - who you are is based somewhere far deeper than your mind, more like in your guts, or you could say your heart. And who you are is made in the image of God with the divine spark of life always within you.  It...

  A bit of a strange motif for a rubber, don't you think?! I bought it when visiting the Oude Kerk in Amsterdam when I was visiting my son last month.  He happens to live directly opposite this church which is the oldest building in the city.  It's clock chimes every quarter of an hour - delightful at first, but after a while...!  It interrupts Seb when he's doing anything in his apartment and he goes into a sort of trance for a few seconds whilst waiting for the cheerful sound of 'The Lord's my Shepherd' to finish, so he can carry on with the music he's making or the conversation he's having.  It's very amusing to witness ... 'Embrace don't erase' slides glibly off the tongue, but is quite hard to do in practice, neither the embracing nor the erasing.  Yet it is good advice if you've suffered emotionally, physically or mentally.  We know that nothing really gets erased but if we bury stuff and never process or look at it properly, it...

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting: The Soul that rises with our life's star Has elsewhere had it's setting And cometh from afar. Not in entire forgetfulness And not in utter nakedness But trailing clouds of glory From God, who is our home.   Wordsworth

Recycling - one of the best things we each of us can do in terms of loving our planet. And it can be done so creatively too... There are endless possibilities... Beauty out of brokenness... Unfortunately, life is not always a 'flowery bed of ease' - for some people in this world it has never been. When it comes to our own personal experiences, we are each intricately and uniquely affected by the stuff we go through. I think we have stages of being broken then reshaped over and again in our lives - I know I have!  Some things in us need renewing or changing.  Other good parts of us may get terribly, tragically damaged, and its incredibly hard to understand why. The question of suffering is a huge one and not easily addressed....  But, depending on our response, our sorrows and sufferings can potentially  be turned into something of great goodness. And we'll have an all the more positive and potent influence to those around us due to the painful road it took us to get ...

  Doors in walls? The other day I was in the little chapel along my road (and up a steep hill!) and was blessed by this sight of stained glass reflections creating a magical doorway in the stone wall beside the altar. (By the way, I'm not very religious, but I do love beautiful spaces and places where your spirit can kind of expand - usually out in nature...) It seemed to be telling me something and I got to thinking we can feel so walled in by circumstances in both our outer or inner lives. I've been in a few situations where I felt excruciatingly walled in.  Like when I was in a christian community.  After the first few golden years I began to have deep misgivings about certain aspects of it.  I had made a lifelong 'covenant' to the church, and was told that to leave would mean certain judgement from God, 'backlsiding' from my faith, loss of protection and blessing and basically the road to hell!  I had loved the vision of this group of people and had friendsh...

A thing of beauty is a joy forever, It's loveliness increases, it will never Pass into nothingness, but still will keep A bower of quiet for us, and a sleep Full of sweet dreams, and health and quiet breathing..... John Keats

I just need to have a quick rant about labels... No, not food labels but labels we put on people... I got very incensed the other week when I heard someone round here saying ' I can't stand Germans' and it got me thinking how destructive and divisive labelling people can be. Quick test - what do you think when you're told about someone, that they are: -  A 'leftie' Russian An ex-prisoner Gay A Conservative Jewish Very rich On the dole Muslim A migrant etc etc If you're not careful, you form an opinion of that person before you've even met them. Which is sometimes hard to get rid of. Labels can form a barrier between you and an incredible, many-faceted person (which we all are!), depending on your opinions.  I've allowed that to happen in the past, but am very careful now not to accept such - often judgemental - labels to colour my perception and reception of someone I meet. I would hate to be defined as being a 'Heterosexual' as if that summe...

  No, this isn't a post about sex, but maybe another time! I had a conversation recently about the problems of having a 'black and white' mentality.  I've had one for years - gradually getting over it! I think it's a problem. It causes you to have a mental dictator telling you how everything   life/emotions/people - should fit into your black/white paradigm, should neatly fit into one side or another, or have a proper beginning and a definitive end.  I have found this just sets yourself up for conflict, self-censure, loss of peace, dissatisfaction and a constant sense of failure. (Moral issues aside - I believe that certain things are definitely right or wrong, like murder/lying/stealing etc, even in the light of the great mercy and forgiveness our God gives us). No, I'm talking about the expectations of our selves or others of how we think life ought to be. Yet life is made up of a million shades of 'grey'!! When I lived in a Christian community, my B/W...