JULIET'S MUSINGS

  My vicar Kathryn recently went to a conference with this title, where they were exploring how much music and the arts can influence humanity for the good and how to make it happen more. I was instantly overjoyed that there could be such a conference with such a purpose and enough people asking that question to make it happen. It had a resonance deep in my soul for what has become a motivating force in my life.           Some good while ago I made a decision not to focus on all the extreme               sorrow, suffering and basic hell that is increasing in this world - (I used                to try to be an intercessor for the nations but that nearly destroyed                          me) - but rather to plant flowers on the bomb site where and when I            ...

  I think that the longing for intimacy is embedded in us. Along with the search for a 'kindred spirit'. That yearning to be deeply connected to someone, to be really known, to able to share the thoughts and feelings that could make you vulnerable.  To not have to say what you're feeling because the other one knows.  To laugh at private jokes and have a  shared history of lives intertwined. To be totally received and unjudged, no matter what state you're in. To be wholly united to someone physically is only a part of it - its the 'oneness' that makes sexual intimacy meaningful. To find such a depth of relationship in one person is indeed a great gift. For me, I've found it kind of  'spread around', in that I've had deep connections on different levels with different people and I treasure the people in my life that I still have such closeness. Together these relationships give me some of the feelings described above. But I'm finding that 6 yea...

  I recently re-read that wonderful poem 'The Hound of Heaven' by Francis Thompson - here is an extract... I fled H im down the nights and down the days I fled Him down the arches of the years I fled Him down the labyrinthine ways Of my own mind, and in the midst of tears I hid from Him, and under running laughter. Up vistaed hopes I sped and shot precipitated A down titanic glooms of charmed hears From those strong feet that followed, followed after But with unhurrying chase and unperturbed pace, Deliberate speed, majestic instancy, They beat, and a Voice beat, More instant than the feet: 'All things betray thee who betrayest Me.'

  I had a kind of realisation the other day.  I was thinking about the hopelessness, sadness, depression, mental ill health that are a widespread  response to the climate changes, post-covid syndrome, wars and world instability etc etc. So many young people now say that they don't want to bring a child into this world.  Whereas my generation felt that they had a beautiful world to discover in the life ahead of them, this kind of optimism is getting rarer.   Understandably. Then I saw this as a picture.  It was like dark, grey veil of despair being drawn over our minds by the enemy of our souls.  All we see and hear in the news is negative. Our world-view could become that of disheartened people who are giving up. Not only does the devil win by inciting many of the evils in our day , he continues his destructive work by making us feel hopeless. "What's the point of trying to do all sorts of brave endeavours when the world is going to s**t? " And I ...

There's a lot of dross  In the creation of pure gold But the far landscape of pain untold Is not all loss. The times and tides, valleys and hills Though at times pleasant ground Are minefields for precious ore - found, Kept and treasured by the Eternal. Not one moment is lost By the Refiner, Who sifts our days and years; Extracting, through pain, love and tears A priceless gold At His great cost. 11.4.20

During one of my recent very restless nights, I started creating a life CV.  I was thinking about my experiences of life and realising that I have had a wealth of them. I bear some of their scars still.  I've written it from the point of view of a checklist, so as to remind me of the area in which I can identify and empathize with people. It's par t of my journey to become a pastoral assistant for which I'm currently in training. I was praying that everything I've gone through could be used to help others who are suffering and need support or just need to be understood.  So here we go :-   My father died when I was eleven, leaving me staring into a big black hole of insecurity Became part of my towns drug taking hippie community from age 14 Abused at 14 which resulted in an abortion and the long road of coming to terms with this A few years of crazy mixed up mental issues, under a psychiatrist for a little while Joined a guru-based cult for a while - yet again, letti...

  I've never felt more free to be myself than now, although it's still a journey I'm on. And I've learnt that being authentically 'you' is the greatest gift you can give. Because God made you uniquely yourself in all your complex beauty - there is no other person on this earth or who has ever lived that is like you. Only you can fulfil your role and, joined with Christ by his Holy Spirit, you are so powerful for good.  But we can get buried under piles of...rubble over the years.  I was reflecting this morning in how I felt so powerless and voiceless when I was abused at age 14 and took guilt upon myself that was not mine.  And that started a trend in me that lasted fo nearly 50 years! I found myself in controlling situations for long periods of my life and not having the assertiveness and self respect to stand up for myself. That how I lost touch with my authenticity to a considerable extent, my 'mehood' gradually getting buried by the fear of man, peop...

Have you heard of a thing called extreme ironing? Its when people iron in the most bizarre of places, like on top of a mountain or whilst riding a surfboard!  Then take a selfie and post it on social media. So there's ironing (which I quite enjoy) and there's extreme ironing... ...And there are blessings (of which I have received so many) and there are extreme blessings. I count giving birth and being mother to my two children extreme blessings.  But let me tell you about something in the 'deep blessing' category I was pondering this morning. When I was a young Christian I was very inspired by the life and writings of a man called Floyd McClung.  Especially a book called 'Living on the Devil's Doorstep' which described his and his family's experience of living in an apartment in Amsterdam, right by the Red Light district.  How, having been part of Youth With a Mission (YWAM) for some years by then, he spent his life and energy to show the love of Jesus t...

The tales of Narnia by CS Lewis are written in my DNA. And as I was contemplating how on earth my experiences of life could be used to bless others, I remembered about Lucy's special cordial.  "In this bottle there is a cordial made of the juice of the fire-flowers that grow in the mountains of the sun. If you or any of your friends are hurt, a few drops will restore them". Given to her by Aslan, Lucy the Valiant carried with her this little phial of powerful medicinal potion everywhere she went. To produce most essential oils, a  large amount of flowers or leaves, roots or berries are needed to be boiled and distilled to produce a tiny amount of potent liquid. Once created though, only a few drops can have a wonderfully deep and wide effect. Like our lives, my life...looking back at the days/weeks/months/years that have been spent in painful emotions/challenges/loss/stress, I worry that those times were wasted.... But also, how do I pass on the joy, the love, the fulfilm...

  This is a sketch that I did of a farmer we met when he was walking home from his work in the fields one evening. The location was Cantabria, Northern Spain where we ( my ex hubby and I)were exploring the Pics D'Europa and surrounding area. Beautiful. It took you back in time to see this farmer! I asked him politely if I may take his photo, which he agreed to. The other day I found myself reading Isaiah 2 v 4 'And they shall beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks'. I suddenly found myself really moved at this description of weapons of war being transformed into farming implements. I found myself imagining tanks being turned into tractors, bombs being changed to combine harvesters, artillery being made into a plethora of garden and farm tools. These thoughts made me happy. God the Farmer! I love our farmers and honour them highly for what they do for us. Find myself blessing them when stuck behind a tractor.... Imagine a Day when all people wi...

  God's love is meteoric His loyalty astronomic His purpose titanic His verdicts oceanic. Yet in His largeness Nothing gets lost: Not a man, not a mouse Slips through the cracks. Eugene Peterson (Psalm 36 v 5,6)

  Jobs! I seem to be in the mood for overviewing my life at the moment and this blog is a good place for me to think out loud!  So, after summarising places I've lived in, now for my work history, starting from age 17 when I left home as a fully paid up hippy :D (so Saturday/holiday jobs as a cleaner, box making factory worker, boutique not counted!) Nanny to young children (live in) Nursing training (3 years) Staff nurse  Commercial insurance underwriter for Eagle Star ( yes, honestly, for 10 years!) Insurance broker Practice nurse - 2 GP practices in the West Midlands Practice nurse - 4 GP practices in Northamptonshire  Agency nurse in local hospitals and nursing homes (Moved to France) Care Assistant in Old peoples home x 2 Started my own business in Greetings cards (Return to UK) Practice nurse in one surgery for the last 12 years before I retired ( best job of my life!) It's been interesting. I was a square peg in a round hole when working in insurance, but...

  I adore the patchwork quilt I gave myself for my birthday in December! It came all the way from Jaipur, was a very good price and beautifully made. Since returning to the UK I've been so blessed to reconnect with dear friends and above all to be nearer to my daughter. But I've also enjoyed renewing my relationship with the lovely Northamptonshire villages that surround me - visiting, photographing and painting them gives me great pleasure.  And I got to thinking how my life has been  a bit patchwork in terms of the places I have lived ... In summary ( with some locations left out or the list gets too long) 😃 : - Born in Sweden, Surrey for 18 years,  London for 4 years (nursing training and job after), Northampton 1 year, Pattishall 5 years, Birmingham 7 years ( 3 different locations), Black Country 1 year ( 1st year of marriage), Bugbrooke 2.5 years, Northampton 7 years (2 different houses), France 4 years (2 houses), Cornhill nr Pattishall 4 years, Pattishall 1 y...

  AS KINGFISHERS CATCH FIRE... As kingfishers catch fire, dragonflies draw flame ; As tumbled over rim in roundy wells Stones ring ; as each plucked string tells, each hung bell's Bow swung finds tongue to fling out broad its name ; Each mortal thing does one thing and the same : Deals out that being indoors each one dwells ; Selves - goes its self ; ' Myself ' it speaks and spells, Crying 'What I do is Me :  for that I came. Gerard Manley Hopkins